How can I be a writer?

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Boy, this coffee is strong.

As some of you know, I'm not much like other human beings on this lonely rock we call "Earth."

I am a sexless (not genderless) seeker of higher purpose than the personified self, who knows nothing of love (besides the basic family-love and friend relationships) and is virtually a robot in terms of emotion. I also identify myself as asexual, having no will nor desire to ever seek love or sexual gratification in any method or manner.

But this brings up a unique problem.

As a writer, I must create people. And people have ties that bond one another, whether it's love, hate, sadness, jealousy. But the big difficulty in my writing is this: Having never fully experienced the romantic love for or from another human being, I rely solely on what I have seen with my own eyes, which is a far cry from what I've experienced.

So it comes to this.

Can I truly create romantic relationships between characters? Can I make believable (tasteful) sex scenes? How can I, as somebody who knows nothing of the mechanics of that chemical imbalance we call "being in love", bring about situations which call for those mechanics in order to work correctly?

Think of it this way:

I know how clocks work, basically. They have gears, axles, bits and pieces, that all fit together somehow and work. I know how to manually turn a clock back and forward, and even make minor repairs. But if you put in front of me a bunch of clock parts and told me to make a clock, I couldn't. I would have to learn how to. But suppose I was born with a strange quirk that disallowed me to make reasonably complex machines. How could I make a clock?

Much is the same for my stories. I have this deep rooted, upmost fear that my stories will not be believable. This is why I tend to stay away from direct romantic interactions and depictions of intercourse. I don't think I can write them, because I don't understand them. I haven't be taught, educated, conditioned, whatever word you want to ascribe to the act, to understand them.

I suppose, in ways, that makes my writing unique compared to others. They see things emotionally, but I see things logically. Others who aren't as I think myopically, while I am gifted (or cursed, depending on how you look at it) with a full spectrum of intelligent analysis and visual interpretation.

But this could also make my work seem... Cold. Without much depth at face-value. Perhaps, even, difficult to get a point across.

Whatever the case may be, I will continue to write and create. I have that duty to myself. We all have that duty to ourselves, despite any shortcomings we may have. We are writers, poets, dreamers of dreams and builders of impossible things. We are little gods, bundles of creative energy, creating whole worlds with mere words and living things with simple expressions.

I suppose that romanticism in my thinking, of a higher purpose of writing than to just "make interesting stories", could very well be my savior from this imperturbable wall around a heart that will never feel what others feel: Close embrace, warm lips, soft skin, gentle words.

I am who I am, and I cannot change that. I'll accept my incongruity with this world, knowing that such a sacrifice will bring me more bountiful gifts in this life.

That, I can be sure of.

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